Pre-American Quilt

Late Cretaceous period, circa 24,993,815 BCE

Prior to the First Ice Age (approximately 24,995,000 BCE) prehistoric people living in the North American Continent used long-haired mammoth(s) to keep warm during the winter months. Since these primitive people had not yet invented clothing, the mammoths were tamed and taught to hibernate in communal caves throughout the long cold season. The animal acted as a space heater that generated enough warmth for an average single story cave.

During the ice age, all mammoth beasts disappeared and the natives had to devise a new method of keeping warm. A relatively intelligent woman named Mnnng discovered a flat rock. Individually, it didn’t keep a naked body very warm. But, her daughter eventually discovered a second rock and the combination became the basis for a family rock warmer. Each succeeding generation collected another rock and, by the end of the ice age, a full size warming quilt was created.

However, it took several more generations of trial and error before a method of connecting the pieces of rock could be found.

Shown here is a small portion of a multi-generational project discovered under an Interstate underpass near the town of Herndon, Iowa.

This example of a prehistoric approach to quilting is believed to be the work of the Ungggh family clan. Carbon dating indicates that the handiwork was created by twin wives Ulg and Ung and their descendants during the period 24,993,825 – 24,993,316 BCE…give or take a few million years.

From:    “Sgt Nelson Dillon” <sgtnelson_dillon@yahoo.com>
To:    undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject:    Swift Transfer Of $25,000,000 Million To You.
Date:    Thursday, February 18, 2010 3:51:54 PM   
 

My name is Sgt. Nelson Dillon, serving in the Engineering military unit in
Ba’qubah in Iraq. As you know, we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and
car
bombings.we found some money here in Baqubah in Iraq, we cannot keep this money
in the bank,because we are working for the government,My partners and I need a
good partner/individaul, someone we can trust and We want to move this money out
of iraq to a reputable/sincere person for investment purposes.
We plan on using a diplomatic means to ship the money out as military cargo,
using diplomatic immunity.This is the reason for contacting you.Once the funds
get to you,take your 30% out and keep our own 70%.. The only thing we require
from you is just for you to help us find a safe place where the funds can be
sent to,because Iraq is a war zone. If you are interested get back for more
details.

Email:sgtnelson_dillon@yahoo.com

Thanks,
Sgt.Nelson Dillon.

They have all (or most) of the normal NBC programming. They also have news programs at the usual times. What sets them apart from the other stations in the San Francisco Bay Area is: their news shows contain RERUNS.

Yep. The same story I saw the other day is on again–and again. I know it sounds strange but you gotta watch it to believe it. RERUNS on a news show???

If anyone out there is reading this, pass the word on to your buddies at NBC headquarters and suggest they give the franchise back to Channel-4…where it belongs!

circa 1759-1173 BCE

The Hittite Empire changed the face of the entire world when they invented Iron.

 Having created smelted iron weapons of mass destruction, the empire decided to conquer the entire known world. To accomplish this mission, they developed a revolutionary form of battlefield communication.

The generals recruited the biggest tallest strongest soldiers in their ranks. Then, they determined the maximum distance one of these soldiers could throw a stone. Where the rock landed, another soldier stood ready to receive the pitch and throw it to the next receiver. They had invented a perimeter, a cell, a radius of communications.

When they were ready to attack an enemy, the field general would inscribe a short encrypted message onto a stone slate. The first soldier would heave it to the second who would pitch it to the third, and so on, until it finally reached it’s destination.

Upon receipt at the army headquarters, the commander would encrypt a reply, and the stone throwing would be repeated in reverse order. This was the invention of two way text messaging; cellular communication in it’s infancy.

When I go to: http://www.google.com/ and when I click on PREFERENCES; I put a black dot on: ‘Do not filter my search results’. I also mark ‘Do not provide query suggestions in the search box’. Then I click SAVE PREFERENCES. When I decide to search again, you continue to filter me and provide 452,657,998,312 suggestions in the search query box.

WHY???????????????????

     Back in those times, scribes and para-scribes who enacted laws and rendered judgements were forced to chisel their briefs in standard lined yellow clay tablets. Since acronyms and abbreviations had not yet been invented, an average brief could easily fill a dozen or more tablets.
     A journeyman pictographer reasoned that more words could be incised if the lines of test curved in an unending spiral around the tablet. Since scribes were paid by the word, more money could be demanded for circular writing. The reduced cost of materials would result in greater profit per tort.
     Since the round tablet was considerably smaller than the prevailing legal stones, it became known as a Compact Discus. Because the text could not be erased or overscribed, it became known as Read Only manuscript.

In the days before the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, Assyrian artisans and scholars would gather in the city central square and drink a thick dark beverage and read books.

The beverage was a proprietary mixture of gum arabic, crushed hemlock, and powdered eggplant. It was not particularly appetizing but it did quench the thirst on a hot desert evening.

This delicate and extremely fragile drinking cup was discovered in brilliantly-uncirculated mint condition by an amateur paleontological student working under a grant from the University of Epocan Department of Antiquities.

Unfortunately, the stupid student dropped the vessel on the way to the cataloging tent. It was subsequently reassembled and glued back together by indigenous natives. It looks almost as good as new…except for a few missing pieces.

Until recently, all the major chain supermarkets here in the Silicone Valley carried a wide variety of margarines. Today, the shelves have been restocked — replacing the dozen brands of margarine with even more brands of butter.

Those of us who grew up on margarine (and still love it) are wondering what happened? Why?

Is the sale of margarine illegal?

Does it contribute to global warming?

Have all the margarine salesmen got fired?

Have the margarine manufacturers gone belly-up?

Since my weblog is (supposedly) read by people all over the country, those of us addicted to margarine are wondering if it’s just a local thing? or is it national? or what???